ten fun facts
about goblins
1: Horse Hate: Goblins excel at riding animals, but they don’t
quite get horses. In fact, their hatred of all things horse is
matched only by their fear of horses, who tend to step on
goblins who get too close.
2: Dog Hate: Although goblins raise horrible rat-faced crea-
tures called (creatively enough) goblin dogs to use as mounts
(and ride wolves or worgs if they can get them—goblins are
quick to explain that wolves are NOT dogs), their hatred of
plain old dogs nearly matches their hatred of horses. The
feeling is mutual. If your dog’s barking at the woodpile for
no reason, chances are he smells a frightened goblin hiding
in there somewhere.
3: Goblins Raid Junkyards: Garbage pits, gutters, sewers… any-
where there’s garbage, you can bet goblins are nearby. Goblins
are weirdly adept at crafting weapons and armor from refuse,
and are fond of killing people with what they throw away.
4: Goblins Love to Sing: Unfortunately, as catchy as their lyrics
can be, goblin songs tend to be a bit too creepy and disturbing
to catch on in polite society.
5: They’re Sneaky: An excited or angry goblin is a noisy, chat-
tering, toothy menace, but even then, he can drop into an
unsettling silence in a heartbeat. This, matched with their
diminutive size, makes them unnervingly adept at hiding in
places you’d never expect: stacks of firewood, rain barrels,
under logs, under chicken coops, in ovens…
6: They’re A Little Crazy: The fact that goblins
think of things like ovens as good hiding places
reveals much about their inability to think plans
through to the most likely outcome. That, and
they tend to be easily distracted, particularly
by shiny things and animals smaller than them
that might make good eating.
7: They’re Voracious: Given enough supplies, a goblin gen-
erally takes nearly a dozen meals a day. Most goblin tribes
don’t have enough supplies to accommodate such ravenous
appetites, which is why the little menaces are so prone to
going on raids.
8: They Like Fire: Burning things is one of the great goblin pas-
times, although they’re generally pretty careful about lighting
fires in their own lairs, especially since goblins tend to live in
large tangled thistle patches and sleep in beds of dried leaves
and grass. But give a goblin a torch and someone else’s home
and you’ve got trouble.
9: They Get Stuck Easily: Goblins have wiry frames but wide
heads. They live in cramped warrens. Sometimes too cramped.
10: Goblins Believe Writing Steals Your Soul: The walls of
goblin lairs and the ruins of towns goblins have raided are lit-
tered with pictures of their exploits. They never use writing,
though. That’s not lucky. Writing steals words out of your
head. You can’t get them back.
James Jacobs
Editor-in-Chief
[email protected]
